Entries Tagged 'Cheap as a gallon of gas' ↓

I had the worst experience ever yesterday while at work…

I was sitting in my cubicle enjoying a great cup of coffee when all of a sudden I smelt something so foul, I nearly puked.

Now I am still not sure who it was, it could be one of two of the biguns that work on either side of my cubicle. OH my lawd, this stench was so gross. It smelled like a woman who diddled herself and did not clean up after. Then sat in front of a heater that warmed it up so as to make the smell even worse. Since I did not know who it was, I really did not feel that I could say something. I probably should have just announced “what the hell is that smell”. Luckily today, da coochy is not smelling.

Who doesn’t shower before work?!

What the hell, why not shower before and after work. Even if you are obese, it really is much more embarrassing having a nasty funk lingering all around you. Maybe the people you live with don’t mind, but why subject innocent people to that stuff. YUK!

I’m number one, dammit!

I used to be able to type my name into Google and come up number one in the search results. I even beat out a famous field hockey player (if there really is such a thing, the sport must be big outside of America). Yesterday I was number two and now today I’m the third. Third!

What’s the worst part?

I’m getting my ass kicked by “Plump Rumps #3″. What the fuck is the world coming to? The funny part is I had to check it out to make sure I didn’t have an ex playing revenge. I mean, not like I do that sort of thing, but maybe I was drunk… Yeah, no, anyway I have faith that Google will figure out who the real slim is and get my shit back on top (no pun intended).

So, I’m on my way to work, burning up a quarter tank of gas, and a commercial for some scuzzy, casino buffet blares out my speakers like a circus act.

This is not marketing people!

The whole point of this over-dramatic and flat-out-obnoxious commercial was that they were having a special on their buffet… Let me repeat that, a special on their buffet.

Oh and by the way, the buffet is one of America’s most disgusting inventions to serve the larger than usual gobs spreading at alarming rates throughout the United States (haven’t you had enough, people?).

At least in Copybitch’s opinion. Sorry. But other people are starving.

And anyone who even attempts to take me on a “date” to a buffet will be shot immediately. There is nothing special about a buffet and the two words should never be forced into the same sentence.

Get this:

“Our buffet is as cheap as a gallon of gas!”

Are you new here?

WARNING: These are the types of statements that cause aneurysms. Thanks you Lewis Black, for warning us all. Now if we could just get the FCC to add this to their list of things you can’t say on the radio (and the bit about the horse of course), we’d be a whole lot safer.

Copybitch apologizes for any medical problems that may occur after reading this post and is not responsible as you read this shit at your own risk.

If you haven’t noticed the price of a gallon of gas isn’t exactly at it’s lowest. In fact that’s what everybody’s bitching about!

A failed attempt at pleasing the masses…

Ok, so I get it, of course I get it… wait… huh? Got it! What we all need to do is go downtown and get a buffet. Fuck the gas. Who needs gas money anyway. Shit, for a gallon of gas we can eat till our arteries are clogged and then we definitely won’t be going anywhere, right?

Oh no!